i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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