obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize