I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
