Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
