so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
