She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
