Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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