I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
