We're facebook friends in real life
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
