Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
