Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
