Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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