Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
