I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
