So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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