Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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