your thong is hanging out like whoa
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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