Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
