so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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