Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
