I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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