we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
