Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
