she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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