apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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