Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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