My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
