My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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