i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
