Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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