pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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