i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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