covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
