i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
