just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
