How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
