some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
