i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
