Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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