im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
