hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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