I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
