So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
