He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
