Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm both gender and math confused
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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