ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
