I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
