even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
