I got chris browned last night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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