Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
