I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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