xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
