I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
