just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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