Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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