All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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