I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
