So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
