im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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