my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
