I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
