Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
