i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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