Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
