the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
