Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
