i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
