Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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