I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
