Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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