Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
