I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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